It Takes Work

I'm going to be completely honest....I've been kind of a mess lately. I don't know if it's because of these long awful winter days or what, but I've been pretty mopey. I have been extremely emotional about me and J's relationship, not because anything is really wrong but because it has changed and will continue to change for the rest of our lives and for some reason right now I'm emotional about it. The source of the "problem" is really just time. I work three jobs and volunteer with my sorority. J works two jobs and plays basketball two nights a week. When I'm not at Coffee Buzz, J is and vice versa. We have one day off together (Sunday) and that's when football is on and most of the time all I want to do is catch up on sleep. Then the spare nights we do have is either spent sleeping or going out with friends.

Then there's our other interests, for me it's my TV shows, this blog, reading and planning our wedding. J spends his time with his million fantasy sports teams and playing Magic cards (yes, it's super nerdy and I absolutely hate it, but I'd rather him do that then gamble his money playing poker or spend his time at a strip club, or whatever it is guys do.) I have tried doing fantasy sports to be involved and have a common interest, but I don't like it and I will certainly not get on board with playing Magic. So I got upset. I'm sick of not having time with my fiance and I'm sick of his spare time being spent doing things I have no interest in.

Relationships take work. A lot of work. I am not naive of that, I've never thought that this was going to be a walk in the park. We not only need to make time for each other we need to work on ourselves and our relationship. I need to work on my patience and focusing on the good things. I need to thank J for taking such good care of me and working so hard and not freak out because there's gum wrappers EVERYWHERE or beard hair in the sink. And J needs to work on his stubbornness and need to always be right.

After my break down we made a plan. We decided we can make plans with family and/or friends one night of the weekend but the other night is for us and only us. Every weekend we will have a date night, we'll alternate deciding what to do and paying for the date. AND, we can't use our cell phones. They go silent or stay home so we're not interrupted or distracted. I am so excited about this. I love knowing that at least once a week I will have quality time with my fiance and I won't have to share him. It made me feel so good when J came up with this plan (yes, it was his idea) because I knew that my feelings were being validated and accepted and the problem was being fixed. This is what being in a grown up relationship is all about. You have to communicate your feelings and they need to be taken seriously, problems need to be worked on and success and change needs to be celebrated. J and I will never have that beginning of a relationship excitement again, our relationship will continue to change. But, what we will have is a lifetime of learning about each other and sharing in all of life's excitement....the first time we buy a house, kids, grandkids, etc. If we keep on working like we've been working the past 3 years we're going to be in GREAT shape.